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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?