That Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.
Looking back, we reflect on the TV landscape of the past year, a selection of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their notable shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
How to start with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third series started, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the final season. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a small sob?
All’s Fair
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’
But that was almost the smallest of this drama's issues. The subject of a very rare zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin enumerating the flaws. The laughably wooden dialogue? The tedious veneration of affluence and consumption? The seemingly wilful procession of cliches? Acting so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have known it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.
The Iris Affair
Of course we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Shady figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was like reading a marketing catalogue. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.
The Inheritance
It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.
Too Much
How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt icky.
The Sketch Show Return
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from strangely breezy, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.
Prime Target
We love the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for sexual escapades as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
